Pilot bread gets serious

Pilot bread is practically a staple in the bush, and it's pretty common to offer it to folks along with some coffee when they come by visiting.  It's also quintessential outdoor food for backpackers, hunters, rafters, and so forth, because the stuff is just indestructible. It's also incredibly calorie dense, and something like a 100 and change per cracker. You need a big chunk of club crackers to come close to that many calories (Though, IMO, club crackers are tastier than pilot bread).
Now my idea of a pilot bread recipe involves taking a chunk and either slathering it with mayo (mmm, mayo) or making a tiny pizza out of it. If I'm feeling really creative, I'll crumble it for use in mooseloaf (two eggs. 1/2 milk-like-substance. 2 lbs ground moose. 5ish crumbled biscuits. Garlic powder, parsley, oregano, and basil to taste. Bacon if you got it) or make a salmon casserole (crumbled biscuits, bowtie noodles, a can of cream of mushroom, salmon, and hunks of Velveeta).

These, people, though, take pilot bread way too seriously. Sundaes made from pilot bread? I'm not sure if that's brilliance, or if down that path lay pure madness. The blackened salmon dish sounds very tasty though - I wish ADN would post the actual recipes!

I love the short story at the end, though,

When [Elsie Pavil Mather] was growing up in Kwigillingok, Pilot Bread was one of the few non-Native foods, she wrote. People used to say the crackers first showed up after a shipwreck and villagers, unaware they were edible, tossed them around like a toy.

"Do not play Frisbee with crackers!" wrote Mather, who lives in Anchorage now. "We are supposed to respect all our food."

DInner, deconstruted

What do you do when you're richer than any human could possibly want in a lifetime? If you're former Microsoft CTO, Nathan Myhrvold, you start out advocating searching for dinosaur vomit. After all, birds will sometimes spew, and what are birds, if not modern dinosaurs? But a man has to have a hobby between encouraging people to dig for Dino-Pellets. Nathan's is running a food science lab of his own making, which has just released a 2000+ page, 6 volume set on their years of research. It's called Modernist Cuisine.

Quite a few people have written about the kitchen lab, such as this current Network Today article, and this older New York Times article that shows that its been on their radar for a while. But I've noticed people have focused on the equipment Nathan's lab has, more than the really interesting bit - he's employed a scientific hypothesis testing framework for organizing his romp through the gastronomic world. Here's an example from the above NY Times article:

The conclusions have often been backed up by careful scientific exploration. For example, confit, the French technique of cooking slowly in fat, is supposed to impart a unique taste and texture as the fat penetrates the meat.

But Dr. Myhrvold said: “There’s no way it could penetrate. The molecules are too big.”

He said double-blind taste tests proved that the same tasty results could be achieved by steaming and then rubbing some of the fat on the outside.

This isn't new to the world - people have used it before -  but even normal advocates for culinary science are applauding him for how far he's take the process with this work. Cooking, sadly, is filled with too much woo - such as the load of misinformation surrounding organic vegetables (Isn't it enough to eat them because they're sustainable?), or the linking of cost with quality (the best thing you can do to improve someone's wine tasting experience is to tell them it's an expensive and rare wine). Some rigour is nice to see.

Sadly, such a book is not for the likes of me - it's 625 dollars for the full set. I'll have to be content with this really cool hamburger deconstructed infographic from the WSJ that came with their own story about Modernist Cuisine.

photo from the WSJ infographic mentioned above

Salmon and Avacado Sandwiches

I recently borrowed a book from a friend that has over 190 salmon recipes, which is a lot. Some of them I wouldn't eat. Some are quite good! Like this one. It takes salmon, boil it (poach I think is the term), and then you flake it.

Let that rest a bit. And then dice up some green onion. It should be small. Throw that, a healthy glob (1/2 cup) of mayo, some dill and some lime juice into a bowl, and then mix in the salmon. You're going to smear that on bread, or pilot bread for the authentic Alaskan experience. ;) Top with some lettuce and avacado!

By the way, I'm going to come off as a bit of a idiot, but apparently you aren't supposed to eat avacado skin. Well, I didn't know that...

Oranges

I'm taking a quick break from reading papers to marvel at the tropics that is my office. The University desperately needs a new building, and the legislature has been dragging its feet for years. Our building isn't equipped to do modern biology, is full of asbestos, and has two exterior walls that literally lack insulation. There are rooms that if you shut the door in the winter, the pipes will freeze. In fact, this building wasn't even finished when it was built. They paid to build half the building, but never found the money to build the other half.


My problem stems from the shoddy construction. See, each block of labs is on its own HVAC system, which cools or warms as needed. This is nominally controlled by a thermostat. The thermostat is in the building plans. The controller is looking for input from a theromstat. But a thermostat was never put in. So right now, my lab and office is heated more or less at random. Sometimes, it's bitterly cold inside here. Other times, like today, it's 30C, which is 87F for the metric impaired. I have a fan on in my office.

It is apparently so hot that I set down an orange on the counter. I inspected this orange this morning. I'm eating healthy these days, see. Fewer doughnuts, less coffee, more balanced lunches. Less salt in general. I read papers, skim over various and sundry things, before I realize 2 hours later that I should eat some atsaq with my kuuvviaq. I reach for my orange. It's rotten. It started rotting in just 2 hours of being in this microchasam of Brazil inside my office.

We really need that new life sciences building.

On a slightly sad note: Don't click on this link if you're sensitive, because it's dead albatross chicks. What did they die of? Islands of trash floating in the ocean, 2000 miles from the nearest continent. As most AKian can tell you, being far from villages or cities doesn't mean there isn't trash out there. And adult Albatros apparently mistake plastic for food, bring it back for the chicks to eat, who then die of starvation or choking.

This is a crime. And we have crime scene photos.

How to abuse Coffee

This is very, very cool.

A neuroscientist has written a guide for getting the most out of your Caffeine buzz. For people like me, who subsist on a pot a day, this is pure gold. His big points?

1. Moderate your intake to small, frequent doses.
2. Aim for tasks that caffeine improves performance, avoid tasks that it decreases performance.
3. Consume Caffeine with the correct adjuvents.
4. Know when to go without.
5. Use the right sources of caffeine.

Go ahead and click on the link to get his full advise on each point. I think I'll make this mandatory reading for all my incoming grad students. It's far more useful than handouts on PCR sterile technique. ;)

Corn Syrup ads?

Apparently, there's a series of ads out there by the Corn Syrup lobby, telling us all that there's absolutely nothing wrong with their product, no sir. Here's one of them.




Well, let me fill in what the other lady couldn't. I'm not an expert, but I worked with an expert who was conducting a study when I was back in Utah. I did a lot of lurn'n. To begin with, I was sceptical - I'm just a sceptical guy, in general. But gradually, the guy doing the study won me over with evidence.
So, here we go: What's wrong with HFCS? High Fructose Corn Syrup engages different metabolic pathways than other, more complex carbohydrates. It's metabolized differently, and has been linked to lower general health in mouse experiments. In human studies, there is evidence suggesting that linking comparable amounts of HFCS and other carbohydrates, people are more prone to obesity on the HFCS diets. Is HFCS the sole source of the obesity epidemic? No one claims that. However, it may be a large contributing factor. Complex carbohydrates are better for you.

And the idea that HFCS is 100% natural is absurd. It's refined. And even if it wasn't refined, being natural is no great boon. Ebola virus is natural, but you don't see people advocating contracting it.

About this ad campaign, I say this:

Bacon Narwhal

Speaking of food, I've just seen the best idea since people started having ideas. Everyone loves bacon, except for communists and terrorists. You're not a communist, are you? Then you'll love the bacon Narwhal (Link has some swearing).

Behold! It doesn't get much more brilliant than that.

Stuffed Acorn Squash

 Posting this for a friend. Sadly, it's hard to get acorn squash worth eating. But when I can, here's a treat we used to have growing up. I used to hate the squash, but I've grown out of that phase. :)
 
3 medium acorn  squash
1 lb bulk sausage (Caribou Sausage works best, here, but mom prefers pork sausage)
1/4 cup chopped green pepper
1/4 cup chopped onion (Red works best, not green)
1  1 1/2 oz envelope cheese sauce mix (Such as from a box of knock off Kraft Dinner)
1  3 oz can chopped mushrooms drained
1/2 cup fine dry bread crumbs
1 Tbs butter or margarine melted

Cut squash in half lengthwise, remove seeds. Bake cut side down in shallow pan at 350 for 35 to 40 minutes until tender

Meanwhile in skillet cook sausage with green pepper and  onion until meat is  brown and vegetables are crisp tender. Drain off fat. blend cheese sauce mix with meat, add liquid following package instructions. Cook, stirring constantly until  thick and bubbly. Stir in mushrooms.

Fill squash cavities with sausage mixture. Combine bread crumbs with melted butter and sprinkle on top of squash. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until crumbs are lightly browned.

I like to top with sour cream, because it isn't fatty enough as-is.

Salmon Jalapeno Quesadillas

Obviously, an authentic eskimo recipe. ;)

Boil your salmon, then flake it and dry it. You can use the left overs for salmon dip. When you're done, take a skillet, and melt butter in it. Mincing garlic (about two cloves), poke it around in the melted butter for a bit. When the butter is fairly reduced, throw in dried basil and Jalapano peppers and as much salmon as desired. Set this aside. Butter up some tortilla shells and brown them. Then you start to get big air bubbles in them, throw in Mozzarella and the salmon mix. Fold in half and allow the cheese to melt. Eat with copious sour cream and Wack-a-mole (Guacamole).
 

Moose Lasagna

I'd like to announce I've successfully made my first Lasagna, and it is delicious. Please, inform the press. Take moose sausage and brown it, before drowning it in spaghetti sauce. Be generous, since people love meat! When it's done, simmer while you finish boiling your Lasagna noodles. Boil for 12 minutes in a pot full of generous salt. I tried my aana's method of putting oil up top to keep them from sticking, but that didn't work for me. Sorry, mom!

Layer the noodles on the bottom, then a tub of cottage cheese. Don't skimp, because you need that energy tonight - it's -20°C! Then cover that with about half the moose sausage and spaghetti sauce. And then add Mozerella cheese, or if you're cheap like me, Fred Meyers' "Italian Cheese" of unknown composition. Layer more noodles on top of all of this, then add the remaining sauce. Dump on more Italian Cheese, and then top that off with a bit of cheddar. Why Cheddar? Because I have a lot of cheddar!  Put it in an oven heated at 375 degrees for ~20 minutes, or more if your oven leaks heat like a shopping bag.

Consume with as many other unhealthy things as you can find around, such as pilot bread smeared with mayo, or sour cream.

Hey, if you want healthy recipes, check out Dave's Delightful stuff, he'll kill you slightly slower. :)

Do you eat your mistakes?

I'm writing this post on Thus night, while I brood over what to do to a kitchen abomination. I tried a recipe for salmon spaghetti, and followed it to a T. However, the end result tastes between vile and disgusting. The dish is too strong, and clashes with itself. I do not enjoy eating it at all. So I'm in an awkward position, where I don't want to throw out a fillet worth of salmon, but I'm quite sure this food is a crime against God. Do you eat your kitchen mistakes? I think I might have to, because I'm really hungry. But the leftovers... might go in the trash. :(

More kitchen shrapnel.

A while ago, I posted a short little ditty on how pyrex can rapidly fail when it's placed into a state of thermal shock. I'd mentioned that it'd happened to me before. Well, I try to keep this blog about things unrelated to me, but I thought it'd be a nice follow up to that story to mention that I had a pyrex dish explode on me. That's no big deal, I cleaned up the resultant mess, and was back about doing my kitchen chores. And then I took a step where I shouldn't have, driving a 3cm shard of pyrex into my foot. Ooooow. Guess I missed some shrapnel! Now I'm hobbling around like I've been shot.

I had moose stroganoff instead. Here's how to make it:

2 cans (min) Cream of Mushroom soup
1 cp of mushrooms (if you can get mushrooms that aren't awful - which means most of AK is out of luck)
1 cp onion (flakes work).
1 squirt ketchup.
Worcestershire sauce to taste.
2-3 lbs of moose stew meat or beef steak cubes.
1.5 cups (min!) of Sour Cream.

Add everything but the sour cream in the morning, put crockpot on low. Stir once before leaving it alone.
Wait 6-8 hours. At the end, add the sourcream and put the crockpot on warm. Serve over rice/bowtie noodles.

You can skip the sour cream if you want to keep a slim figure. Me? I need the fat. :)

Back again

From the perspective of avoiding smoke for 5 days, my trip south to hang around at a fish camp was a glowing success. From what I can figure out from talking to people, the weather up here only got worse until the cool air moved in. I usually don't "take sides," since fire makes good moose habitat, but I want to see a fleet of flying tankers douse the fires at this point...

From the perspective of trying to fish, the trip was much more mixed. The Copper river was very high, and the fish weren't going anywhere. Things were so rough that some metal equipment got bent by the currents. Oops! I saw a lot of guys motoring around on their 16 foot alumiwelds, and they seemed to have no problem going down stream. When they tried to go upstream, they'd barely be moving, despite their engines roaring. We eventually made up the trip in fish, and after giving a good chunk of it to a couple I was with (they need the fish for feeding their family at their upcoming wedding), I still have a respectable amount.

Now if only I didn't have to eat it in the middle of now three wildfires...
I miss the winter.

Neat Noodle trick.

I found myself in a situation where I didn't have anything to boil noodles in. I could go get lake water and boil it, but this time of year that's a dicy proposition, as the water smells rather fetid - you can make it sterile, but it's going to taste awful. Digging around, I noticed I had some various fluids, things that could be made into fluids, and I decided to give it a go with beer instead of water.

I took butter, melted it in a pan, and threw in some garlic just long enough to enfuse some flavour in the butter. Toss the garlic before it gets bitter! I took my spaghetti and rolled them around in the melted butter until they soaked most of it up. I then took a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon (a beer I usually don't have on hand, trust me) and poured it into the pan. Covering it, I quickly brought it to a boil.

Wow. I mean wow. PBR is awful for drinking, but the spaghetti came out so perfect that I could have just eaten that for dinner. It doesn't hurt that I've just about perfected my slowcooker moose stroganoff recipe, either (which went on top of the noodles). Luckily, I've used up the last of my PBR, but I think other beers will work well (if not better).

Organic Lunch

I did something I normally don't do. I tried to buy all organic at Fred's. I don't go out of my way to buy organic, typically, but paradoxically, I tend to eat a lot of organic food - wild game is about as free-range and organic as it gets. But what I dress that meat up in tends to be... uh. In-organic? Un-organic? Something like that.

So, I had a short list for yesterday - just around 10 things I needed from the store, and normally, it would have run me about 30 dollars. Most expensive purchase should have been the tortilla chips (mmm. Taco salad!). However, when I went through and got Organic stuff first (I couldn't find a few things as organic foods, like doughnuts. And I love a doughnut with my coffee), the most expensive thing ended up being the salad! All told, I ended up spending 65 dollars on food. Yes, I know buying organic is like anything - shop around - but really, 100% markup is something else!

And on top of that, I forgot to pack my lunch! Oh, well. I have my inorganic doughnut to tide me over.

Grilled Peanutbutter

Here's another quick post for today! Two! Two posts! Ah ah ah!
Sorry, had a Sesame street moment there.

There's a concoction that consists of a sandwich with peanut butter filling, that you butter the outsides and grill like grilled cheese (or toast in the toaster oven, if you're keen on them), and you sometimes add tomato or banana (or maybe honey). I grew up knowing them as "Grilled Peanut butter and Tomato Sandwiches," because my aana liked tomato a lot (I hated them when we had them, growing up).

My question is, have you head of such a thing?
Have you ever had such a thing?
Would you maybe consider eating it, if you hadn't?


I ask, because whenever I talk about it, I find most people think they're disgusting, unhealthy, or both. But almost always from people who have never head of it before.

Kitchen Shrapnel

I'm no stranger to the kitchen. While growing up, I might have found cooking things more complex than a box dinner `difficult,` I've since taken on cooking tasks that frighten the novice. I'm especially good at making candies, if I say so myself. However, in my time making various sweets, I've had a few things blow up in my face. My favourite was when a batch of toffee, in a very smooth vessel, suddenly went super critical and blew up all over my kitchen. Covered in burning sugar, the only thing I could think of was wow, that was cool! and I wish I had a student I could explain what happened to!

In more mundane matters, I've had quite a few PYREX dishes explode on me over the years. Technically, it's not `explode` but a `accelerated, dramatic failure.` You say `Dramatic Failure,` I say `It throws shrapnel.` This has always caused me a bit of confusion, because Pyrex gear I use in my assorted labs o'er the years has never blown up without some sort of violent reaction inside, or some serious thermal shock (we're talking going from from liquid nitrogen to tossed in a hot oven sort of thermal shocks, here). And believe me, we've abused our lab gear.

Well, rest assured, people, because your Pyrex does not explode. We're deluded, you see:

But the story did not go unnoticed. Just a few days later, we received a FedEx letter from World Kitchen, a Reston, Va., company that now owns CorningWare and Pyrex, as well as several other household names.

"This letter is in response to your December 1 article entitled 'Bakers Beware: Shattering Pyrex Pans,' which includes claims that PYREX® glass bakeware ... breaks in a manner they deem to be 'exploding,' huffed Douglas S. Arnold, a vice president of World Kitchen.

Deeply hurt by the consumers' cruel cuts, Arnold continued: "We want to assure you that neither PYREX glass bakeware nor other glass bakeware 'explodes.' Glass does not explode but it can break. As glass bonds break, people may hear a noise and be surprised."

That shards land in other rooms is a figment of our imagination. Our surprised imagination. So why is my lab glassware safe?

Are Pyrex Bowls Dangerous?

Maybe. Pyrex bowls were originally made of something called borosilicate glass, which is very resistant to thermal shock. Currently, Pyrex is made of soda-lime glass, presumably as a cost-cutting measure, as soda-lime glass is very inexpensive. Also, Pyrex is no longer made by the original manufacturer, and is essentially a brand name, rather than a material.

Because my lab glassware is still made out of the old stuff, or newer formulations that still resistant to thermal shock. I'm half tempted to see if I can get some lab grade baking pans from Fisher... or if I should resign myself to pouring out candies at an arm's lenght.

Recipy: Blue Moose Burger

I've just had the best burger in years. Of course, by the time you'll read this, it'll be `I've had the best burger in years the night before.` Dang timed posts! I dimly recall watching the contestants make a Blue cheese burger on Hells Kitchen, and going `hey, that looks really good!` Since I was due for a shopping run (I'm out of frozen onion, and... pretty much anything other than meat and tea), I scribbled down some notes.

Cue today. I get a box of stuff shipped, my truck fuelled, I shovel some snow, and then I sit down with my shopping list. "What the heck is this stuff?" I ask myself. It doesn't look like the makings of anything tasty. But oh! It starts to come together in my head like it did last night: A shining vision of ground moose stuffed with cheese and garlic, topped with what-passes-for-fresh tomato. This. This was a mission from god.

First thing, I used ground moose (90% moose 10% suet). You can use whatever you want, but I love the taste of moose. Nothing makes better ground than moose. With my recent moose, I don't even have a scrap of beef in the house. Needless to say, you can use beef as you please. Next, I took that ground and I added an egg and a half cup of blue cheese. The Egg acts as a binding agent. Add in diced garlic, onion, ground mustard, and just a pinch of pepper. Add to this about 1tbs water, and a kunckle's worth of of bacon fat per-quarter pound. Mmm. Bacon. If you're cooking beef, you don't need the bacon fat - moose is rather lean. Mix them all up with your hands, but try not to lick your hands clean. You could grill this, or cook the paddies in a pan greased with bacon drippings like I did - honestly, you can't go wrong with bacon drippings.

Top this with fresh, crisp bacon, a slice of tomato, another bit of onion, lettuce, and you have yourself a burger. No, you have more than a burger. You have the burger that will end wars, and bring peace to the middle-east. You can taste the moose, you can taste the blue cheese, you can taste the bacon, with all the main players backed up by team of subtle flavours which make you want to scream `Yes! This is food!"

... yeah, I enjoyed my dinner. Why do you ask?

Today's Menu

Today's lunch: Ptarmigan Ptacos.
This was mostly an excuse to make a ptaco joke.

A hot cup of... what?

What's the non-alcoholic drink of choice in AK? In the bush, and lots of the road system, it's not coffee like most people would guess. It's tea. Tea is popular in ways most people outside wouldn't guess. The big one is lipton, but people love Hidden Stash too. People buy lipton by the bulk, and go through it as quickly. Part of it is, in a lot of places if you show up to someone's house, you'll get offered tea (and frequently food, but this is a post about tea). 9 times out of 10. I promise you, if you show up at my house, I'll offer you tea. It's just sort of what people do. Now, I have coffee too. In fact, Kuuvviarsugtua. Taugam, instead I'm having tea because I didn't think through breakfast. The hidden stash orange one.


Somehow, in my upbringing, I got it in my head that you shouldn't accept what people offer you, because it's inconveniencing them, or being a burden. But the saying is out here, if someone offers you food, you make room in your stomach - it's rude to refuse. It makes it awkward for me, because to be polite, I have to act in a way I think is rude.

I blame my parents, society, and TV. Oh, and the devil's music.