Flaming Wombats

Sage advice to Dave from the Onion:

Australian wild fires spur large increase in flaming animal attacks It's the onion radio, news this is Doyle Redland reporting. Wildfires in the Australian outback have reportedly doubled the number of attacks on humans by kangaroos, snakes, and wombats currently engulfed in flames. Zoologist doctor Janet Nordean says that even creatures long believed harmless to man can be a major concern went on fire.

"Now even the gentle Wallaby can be quite deadly."

Nordean added that upon encountering a flaming animal in the bush people should not repeat not douse it with gasoline as one would with an ordinary, household pet.