I want to fly in an Airship

It's no secret that I love neat gadget-y things. I've got a love affair with a hovercraft, and I've wound my own wind turbine stator. Basically, if it's geeky and new (or a new old thing) chances are I'll drool over it. This is the case for the hybrid Airships that the Telegraph wrote about. In a nutshell, they're half blimp, half helicopter, using much bigger turbofans for thrust vectoring and lift. Normally, planes use wings to generate aerodynamic lift, and control surfaces to modulate the direction of airflow. Thrust vectoring generates pressure on the craft itself, so the craft is moved by a stream of engine exhaust. Think of the Harrier when it vertically takes off, for a good idea of how this works.


The best part about airships is that they really rework the economics of heavy air-lift. Running a C-130 or anything of the like is expensive, and in rural situations, it's hard to take full advantage of a C-130 flight all at once. An airship would be comparably cheaper, and could make multiple stops on a circuit, meaning that no one stop would need to fill the cargo capacity. Additionally, air-barging fuel becomes slightly less insanely expensive, with the largest of the air ships being able to move upwards of 30,000 us gallons of heating fuel in a trip.

Of course, there are barriers to this technology making it to practical use. It feels like I've been promised heavy lift airships for 10 years now, and I haven't seen a single one. And that's just as long as I've been aware of them. The Article talks about proposals using these things in the Troubles, which extended from the late 60s to the early-mid 90s. They have been taking a long time about practically fielding airships...

Random things

• A contrarian view: Does America Thrive because the poor don't vote in large numbers?
• The economics of Cable - why it's one big sham.
• Feds respond - If the state imposes IM on Unimak island, they will sue.
• Another great hockey player pretty much debases himself.

Cease and Decist

A list of ads that it does you NO GOOD to show me on TV, in Fairbanks.

• Dairy Queen
• Olive Garden
• Burger King
• Comcast Cable
• Applebee's
• Red Lobster
• Sonic
• Travel to Alaska
• Verison Wireless
• Best Buy
• Dunkin Doughnuts

So stop showing me those ad! Honestly! I'm not going to drive to the states just for some Red Lobster...
Though, I do like Tim Hortons. Why don't we have one anywhere in AK? There's a crime...

Funny thing is, at Fred Meyer's, they sell gift certificates to a lot of those places. Why? Why, I ask? What possible use is there?

A little bit on animal names.

Avery was asking about a Reindeer on lower campus who hasn't got around to dropping antlers yet, and she brought up a good point. Wildlife terms in English are confusing! Consider this:

• Male Mule Deer are Bucks, Females are Does, Young are fawns.
• Male Moose are Bulls, Females are Cows, and young are calves.
• Male Muskox are Bulls, Females are Cows, and young are calves.
• Male Reindeer/Caribou are Bulls, Females are Cows, young are calves.
• Male Elk are Bulls, Females are Cows, young are calves.
• Male Sheep are called Rams, Females are called Ewes, young are called Lambs.
• Male Goats are either Bucks or Billies, females are Does or Nannies, but young are always Kids, and not fawns!
• Male Wolves are Dogs, Females are Bitches, and young are pups.
• Male Bears are Boars, Females are Sows, youngs are cubs.
• Male Foxes are Todds, Females are Vixens, and young are kits!
  

It's all very confusing. Just when you think you know the pattern in English, you find out that Male seal is a bull, but a young seal is a pup!

Avatar reviewed.

I saw Avatar. I didn't pay for seeing it, which is a good thing, because I would have rioted. I never planned on paying to see Avatar, anyhow. So, willing to give anything a try once (willing to be entertained), I sat through over two hours of wonder CGI. And don't get me wrong, the CGI was great. Immersive. What Starwars was aspiring to. It's so elegant, you forget its there.

Dear god, I wish I could forget the plot was there. It was everything I knew it was, and worse. The paternalistic bullhooey racism was so thick and deep that at times, I had to to restrain myself from throwing something at the screen. And the plot was terrible. No, seriously, awful. I've read a lot of reviews afterwards, and not one has a kind thing to say about the plot. But for some reason, it gets a positive review because it's pretty. Isn't that like saying, "The 10 story tall building has floors, no lights, no plumbling, and no heat or AC, but it has a really nice facade." The point of a movie is to tell a story. Plot is not a secondary consideration. Plot is the only consideration. If the plot is great, we'll ignore about anything. 

Here are just a few of the things I didn't like. I could keep writing for another hour, easily.

1. Dances with wolves in space. Except WHITE GUY (who is obviously not white, but human) saves all the INDIANS (who are obviously not indians, but Na'vi). So, the message I take home from this is imperialism is bad. And all natives (who are not natives, but obviously aliens) need to get them out from the thumb of imperialist problems is a white guy. Pause and bask in the glory of that logic. Not only is it totally self-refuting, but it's also incredibly patronizing. So, basically, it's dances with wolves, without ANY of the plot devices that made Dances with Wolves good. Why did this need made?
2. Dude. You're even more racist than I thought you'd be (and I thought you'd be astoundingly racist). War wooping? In touch with nature? Going 'aiaiaiaiaiai!'? War paint? Feather necklaces? Are you serious?
3. Men are warriors. Wimminz is spirituals, and should be chosen by men. Obviously. Cute `stand by your man` music. To quote someone else, the gender politics of this film are %#($8ing wacked.
4. The aliens were totally un-alien. In fact, there was nothing alien about them. 10 fingers, 10 toes. Blue, with funky stamens in their hair, but otherwise? Totally human. They even had breasts. This is a serious lack of imagination. And why were most of the vertebrate animals in the movie hexapods, except for the Na'vi? They're missing two limbs, if they evolved on the planet.
5. Plotholes the size of asteroids. No, seriously. You could fit an asteroid right down on their little world tree thing and just wipe the lot of them out. Guns? Bullets? Giant mechanical suits? You're a freaking space faring nation, act like one. Bombard them with $($%*ing asteroids! Let's see their arrows deflect that! There was zero imagination to the sci-fi. None.
6. Uh, so, I couldn't help but notice pretty much every Na'vi was voiced by a not white person. The Antagonists... uh. Well, yeah. This one more or less speaks for itself.
7. When you start making up floating mountains, without any hint of explanation beyond 'it's magical!', you've ceased being sci-fi. The floating mountains served no plot purpose, either. They could have done the one relevant scene in another really big tree. They were as pointless as pouring half a pound of sugar on Captain Crunch.
8. More about biology - a lot of that plant life made no sense to me. I.e., actively annoyed me. So you only have one glowing pink tree per planet? How the heck do glowing pink-trees reproduce, if there's only one of them, and there always has only been one of them? Why were plants both motile, but rooted? Why was there only one world tree in the area? How did it's seed get there?
9. Unobtanium? Come on. I mean... _come on_. Trioxide flagersidan. There, I came up with a better name in all of 5 seconds. Why not just call it `Name place holder from first draft?` It's not lazy writing. It's not even writing, period.
10. To steal someone else's phrase (I'll link him in a minute), "War is bad. Now here's some more!" So, what's your moral, again? Not since Inglorious Bastards was there a movie as self-refuting as this on even it's most important points.
    
11. Natives are so IN TUNE WITH THE ENVIRONMENT that they obviously TALK to FLIPPING ANIMALS. How about in our next movie, a planet full of Jewish people who are fantastic with accountancy? We'll call it "Dances With Ledgers." I can see the Oscar now...
12. Hi, I'm strawman. I want my villains back. And you'll be hearing from all the 3-year olds you ripped off for the the characters of "Casually Racist McCorperatePants" and "Lt. Col. Kill Them All and Eat Their Babies." As far as I can tell, the sole motivation for either of them is they like hitting things, and digging up stupidly named rocks.

Yeah. I didn't like it.

I won't tell you to read the Filthy Critic's review, because you have to find college humour and foulmouth toilet talk hilarious to enjoy him. And he's rather not safe for work viewing for language alone, never mind his more... colourful metaphors. But he sums up the movie's portrayal of Natives perfectly in these paragraphs.

First is its patronizing vision of the indigenous people. It's like Cameron was channeling some long-haired asshole who sells turquoise roadside near Sedona. The movie treats the natives as simpletons, idiot savants full of pure goodness and new-agey magical powers, the same way guilt-ridden white people of limited intelligence think of American Indians. Cameron gives them the ability to see into the hearts of others. As far as I know, the only people who believe nonsense like that are folks with shit to hide. They're the ones who worry good people can see right through them.
The Na'vi talk to the earth and the animals. They live in harmony with nature. Through them, Cameron preaches the same simpleton back-to-the-earth bullshit as those phonies who go to Pow-wows and talk out their asses about magical American Indians. Hell, I'm surprised there isn't a cameo by Iron Eyes Cody. 

I probably can't talk you out of going. Sadly, so many idiots are watching it, it's going to be one of those things that we all have to do, some time, just like George Lucas' garbage stewStarwars prequel movies. I hope someone reads this and understands why some people have had such a vitriolic response to the movie.

I really, really hope I don't have to write about Avatar again.

Sadly, the news said Cameron is making a trilogy. Hell.

Electioneering!

Here's some things I've been keeping my eye on, in bullet point:

• The sales tax failed for the billionth time.
• Bethel is close to removing it's damp status.
• The FNSB council's effort to punt the air quality issues to the state-feds-anyonebut them has failed. The measure was non-binding, though, so they can still pass it off.
• Sales Tax in the Mat-Su also got smacked down by voters.
• I can't find an update to Kotzebue's proposal.
  

Morbidity and Mortality

I got sent this page in the morning, and I feel the need to share it all with you:

The ten most frequent causes of death in the USA, as believed by the British

1) Shot by Donald Rumsfeld.
2) Abducted by the saucermen, never to be seen again.
3) Cerebral haemorrhage caused by shock at the discovery there are places beyond US borders.
4) Terminated on the orders of Barack Obama’s social health ‘death committees.’
5) Scalped by injuns attacking the iron horse which runs across their territory.
6) Hunted to death by inbred, snaggle-toothed backwoodsmen.
7) Telling your buddies that you’re getting short on your tour, and showing them a picture of your best gal back home.
8) Beheaded with a machete shortly after having sex.
9) Being proven wrong in your belief that the second amendment covers artillery and chemical weapons.
10) Getting wasted in a drive-by after winning an award which should have gone to Beyonce, goddammit.

I couldn't resist making my own list, with the help of some people from the states.

The ten most frequent causes of death in Alaska, as believed by the Lower 48

1. Igloo collapse. 
2. Death by Polar Bear.
3. In an embarrassing fashion after uttering the words, "Hey y'all, watch this."
4. Bitten by a Moose.
5. Starvation due to delays in the dogsled full of flour and tobacco.
6. Polluted to death by a leaky pipeline.
7. Boredom induced frostbite.
8. Horrible dog sled crash.
9. Drowning in the Bering Sea.
10. Shot and field dressed by Sarah Palin.
    
    

Advice to the Fairbanks Newbie.

Yup, it's that time of year again! New Student in Fairbanks? Welcome to the middle of nowhere*! Fairbanks can be a great, exciting place to live, but like anywhere else in the world, it takes some getting used to. Here's some basic tips to help you get by:

• Homes come in to varieties - dry, and wet. Dry places have no running water. In Fairbanks, this is not a big deal. You haul your own water in a carboy from a water seller, and campus is littered with showers for students. Please leave the showers clean, though!

• Don't go out and buy everything with the words 'Polar Fleece' on it. Instead, wait until it starts to cool off, and look at what the Locals are wearing. And then, after you've seen how Fairbanksans manage, dress like the locals. Otherwise, you'll waste a lot of money. You'll probably notice we dress in layers, and we're not too fashionable.
  

• Get your vehicle winterized now. Buy studded tires before the first snow. There's always a massive backlog of people at the auto shops in town who need that work done when the white stuff starts flying. You can have studded tires on your vehicle as early as September 15th. It's not a bad idea to make an appointment for the 16th, just so you're not caught off guard by snow.

• Be social! Go out, meet people. Drink at bars (if 21), attend student events. Especially around campus, there's lots to do. I'm always perplexed by people who say that Fairbanks is full of introverts. Michael Feldman said something to the effect of `There's no where else where you're around so many people who like to be with other people who don't like people.` ;)
  

• Develop some outdoor hobbies so the winter isn't as boring. If you're trapped inside, of course Fairbanks seems like an awful place! I would remind you that for a minimum of a year, you'll be a non-resident for hunting and fishing purposes**.

• Get ready for some stickershock, because stuff isn't as cheap as it is in the states. It runs from 25% to 33% more than it runs down below. Frozen foods are expensive in the summer. Fresh produce isn't really fresh in the the winter (and the summer, it can get pretty questionable too). If you're aware of this, things go much smoother. If, like me, you love to do confectionery stuff, be prepared to shell out big money for extracts (besides vanilla) and uncommon spices. Sometimes, I just have friends in the states send it up to me, since it's cheaper.
  

In general, try to have fun. Don't hole yourself up. And whatever you do,

• Don't tell us how you did things back in [insert lower 48 state here]. People will say, "That's nice." But they'll be thinking, "What a jerk." You're not in Kansas anymore! :)
  

*The villages are not the middle of nowhere. The villages are the far-edge of nowhere.
**Yes, you can fish in the winter. It's as fun as fishing in the summer!

---

While we're on the topic of students returning to UAF, here's a comment from the article "UAF Prepares for Swine Flu Outbreak:"

Swine flu will work just like everything else at UAF. It will show up late, move excruciatingly slowly through the bureaucracy, get lots of talk but little actual help from the risk management office, hang around the Pub far too much, provoke quite a bit of dorm-room puking, and finish its two-year program about seven years from now. Then it will just hang out on campus hoping for a job.

Too funny!

ASM Day 1, bullet point style.

Day one of the conference is over - 6 more to go. I made it a point, yesterday, to meet someone new at the ASM social. Here's some new things I learnt from new people after I had a few glasses of liquid courage:

• Sin nombre hanta virus prevalence among deer mice in Colorado is currently low.
• Sin nombre hanta virus prevalence in CO doesn't follow a elevational gradient, either(?!?!).
  
• Our niche modelling for wolf lice in AK might be trained by the distribution and abundance of lice in the lower 48.
• ... but it might also not.
• The army doesn't like the delta herd bison 100%, because their calving grounds are protected.
• Bison have calving grounds! And site fidelity!
  
• I found someone who studied Sitka Black Tailed Deer dispersal, but one of my co-authors aready knew about him,.
• The name Thor is pronounced `Tor.`
• The Army keeps staff wildlife biologists.
• Germany has a very different university system.
• Germany's politics are radically controlled by American politics, and American political decisions.
• The Germans don't know why so many Germans visit Alaska.
• We've got high hopes for the GMU 20A controlled burn.
• Sea Otters go straight to hypothermia if they can't groom their pelt for even a short period...
• ... or even if they can't groom an area the size of a quarter.

That's just what I remember. Today will be... well, maybe better? Maybe not. But definitely longer.

Some perspective.

Here's a little sliding scale for folks who have a understanding what various metric temperatures mean. Did you know that the US is legally a metric nation? Honest to god truth. Happened somewhere a couple decades back. Congress just showed about as much attention and followthrough to converting signs and measures as they do in all their endeavours. At the time of writing this, the thermometer said it was -46°C. Where does that put us?

• 50°C 122°F Warm day in Kuwait; Melting point of Californians.
• 45°C 113°F Average August day in Kuwait
• 40°C 104°F A hot day in Salt Lake City. Most Alaskans spontaneously combust.
• 35°C 95°F About Human Body temp. Austrailian beach weather.
• 30°C 86°F A hot day in Fairbanks. A lovely spring morning in California.
• 25°C 77°F Allegedly "Room temperature." Australians put on a jacket.
• 20°C 69°F Chrysler trucks start working properly.
• 15°C 59°F My room Temp. 50% of Australians die of cold exposure.
• 10°C 50°F An average July day in Barrow. Fall in Michigan.
• 5°C 41°F Midwesterners reach for their jackets. You can see your breath! Still some time left to garden in Alaska.
• 0°C 32°F Water Freezes. North Carolinians decide it's damndably cold. Alaskans put on shorts and suntan.
• -5°C 23°F Remaining 5% of Australians boggle that the numbers can go /negative/. Fairbanksans wash their trucks. Best Ice Cream temperature. Chrysler trucks don't start.
• -10°C 14°F Michiganders start to complain about the cold. Alaskans get in some BBQing before the temp falls. Sweater weather.
• -18°C 0°F 0°F was chosen as the zero mark because it was colder than it got in Denmark, and it turned out someone didn't like using negative numbers.
  
• -20°C -4°F Anchorage starts whinging about the weather incessantly, while the rest of Alaska wishes they'd shut up. Primo skiing weather. Time to grab the jacket in Fairbanks.
• -25°C -13°F Unmodified diesel begins to gel. Fairbanksans decide it might be getting a little nippy. Midwesterners flee for Hawaii.
• -30°C -22°F All atomic motion in 90% of Canadians stops. Fairbanksans decide it's sorta cold. Unaided German Cars won't start.
• -35°C -31°F Inversion layer begins to build. Fairbanksans waffle around and decide it's kinda cold. Landlords in the Midwest finally decide it's okay to turn on the heat.
• -40°C -40°F Things begin to break from the temperature. Mercury Freezes. Fairbanksans admit it's `cold.` Unwarmed Toyota Tachoma won't start.
• -45°C -49°F Electronics begin to break, and then burn up from the temperature. Bethel residents shut up about how `wind chill` is worse, and are just glad they live in a comparative tropical paradise.
• -50°C -58°F Kerosine begins to gel. Hawaii starts to look really good. Dog insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
• -55°C -67°F Kerosine finishes gelling. Tok wonders why people in Fairbanks are fussing about a minor coldspell. People out in Fort Yukon finally get around to closing the kitchen window.
• -60°C -76°F Tok admits it's nippy. Dogs move from sleeping in your bed (with you) to sleeping directly on the woodstove.
• -63°C -81°F Recorded low for Alaska. Sled dogs take vacation to Hawaii. UAF considers closing campus for half a day, but still doesn't.
• -65°C -85°F The temperature at which pretty much all `absolutely true` sourdough stories take place.

Things that do not like this weather.

I think I'm going to try my hand at a list of things that don't really work past -40. At low temperatures, things just decide to give up the ghost. At really low temperatures, important things in your house start breaking. When it gets cold, Alaskan's start navel gazing; with that in mind, here's some things most people wouldn't think of not working.

• Bubble Levels.
• Truck Fan Belts.
• Cheap Ski Goggles.
• Skis or Snowboards.
• Air Compressors. (I won't double dip by adding `oil atomizers`).
• LCD Screens.
• Cameras sealed with Camera Grease.
• Ducttape.
• Propane Tanks.
• Traditional Toilet Seats. (God save the person without blue foam!)
• Garden Variety Extension Cords.
• Plastic Buckles, Snaps, and plastic slidey string balls.
• Shopping Cart Wheels.
• Elastic or some Bungie Cords.
• Christmas Lights Timers (or at least mine doesn't).
• Apparently (I found this out last night) Pole Mounted Transformers can go `boom` much more easily.
  
• Composite Axe Handles. (Another recent discovery!)
• Most engines with an electric start (beyond cars).
• Camal Backs.
• Pens - and plastic pencils snap easily.
• Most pieces of unsealed optics, such a binocs, spotting glasses, jeweller lens.
• 99% of Electric Thermometers.
• Moleskin.
• Regular shoe soles (Hat tip to Avery for pointing this one out to me).
• Tires.
• Some sorts of motion sensors.
• ATMs
  

Scheduled Post: What I'm wearing

According to my thermometer, it's -45°F, which is cold by most measures. Going outside for chores requires preparation, and taking a page from Avery's book, here's what I'm putting on for a few hours in the out of doors.

Base layer: Boxers, REI MTS heavy fleece pants, Poly-pro t-shirt, Fox Creek Wool Socks.
Mid layer: Carhart Flannel Lined Blue Jeans, Flannel Shirt, my LARS hoody, keeping my Marmot Reactor microfleece along with me just in case.
Outer Layer: Carhart Extreme Biboralls, Baffin Barneo winter pac boots, Columbia Interchange Parka, Loki fleece face mask, A wool lined poly-hat, and a pair of ancient mittens only identifiable as `Zeno.` Or zero. I'm not sure.

The one thing I don't like is the Columbia Interchange parka. It's too light weight. Big Rays sells modded jackets with extra insulation for Fairbanks, but if I bought a new jacket, I'll probably go with one of those mountain hardware down jackets. Columbia doesn't sell the interchange jacket itself, anymore. But since my hat and mittens are getting oooooold, those are going to be the next in line to get changed out. Especially since the mittens are a) my brother's from many moons ago so b) way to big for me.

Do you have a bail bag?

Just because you live in Fairbanks doesn't mean you can't put on a suit and tie in the winter. It's dramatically overdressed for the town, but I think we already went over that topic. What you have to do, though, is throw gear in the back of your truck so if something is to happen, you're not totally SOL. And given that there are places where you'll be lucky to pass a vehicle at all in a 12 hour period, you can't count on others swooping in to provide your rescue. Drivers need to be prepared to affect their own recovery.

I bring this up, because I spent a few hours digging my truck out of a ditch earlier, after a weak shoulder gave out and my truck slid into deep powder. Worse, it was on Old Murphy Dome Road, which is pretty much not travelled.

Here's a non-exhaustive list of things you want in your vehicle in winter:

• Shovel - Whether you're digging yourself out of a ditch, or dealing with the after effects of a really heavy snow. Shovels are good.
  
• A pair of insulated bibs or snow pants - Most of the time, you don't go around wearing these, so it's good to have a pair in the back. Fairbanks gets $*($ing cold, see. The official motto is `the heart of Alaska,` but I think some other body part is far more accurate.
  
• Good pair of pac boots - If you're not wearing them, you should have them.
• Sleeping bag or blankets - Sometimes, people have mechanical problems that they can't fix on their own. It may be necessary to overnight, in which event you really want to wake up after that nap.
  
• Lighter and stuff to start a fire - In the words of Thog the Caveman, `Firegood.` 'nuff said.
• Food - I keep a hand full of cliff bars in my glove compartment, along with a box of pilot bread in the back. You want at least day's worth of calories, which is easy to get such energy dense items.
  
• Tools - Ratchet set, Screwdriver, a few hex keys, and other odds and ends. Strangely, I haven't had to use them on my own vehicle, but I've lost count the number of times I've had to whip out my tools to fix someone else's vehicle (I lie. The count is `6 times in the last two years.`)
• Flashlight - Hey, you might have noticed. It gets dark here. Fast. Before 4pm. If I need to spell this one out, you're already dim (*rimshot*).
• Jumper Cabels - You know. For jumping? Dead batteries happen. Though, if your battery goes dead-as-in-no-charge, it's actually more likely to freeze and burst.
• Tire pump - As temperature goes down, your tire pressure goes down too. When it's $%*(ing cold, it's good to get your tires up to a reasonable pressure. Also, it's just a plain handy thing to have even normally.
  

Those are really just the basics. Some people throw in traction sand, little stoves, blocks of trioxine, so on. I know someone who keeps a PLB in there, just in case, which seems like overkill to the nth degree, but if I was screwed, it'd be super nice to have. It might seem like this would take up all your trunk space, or room in the back of the cab, but I fit everything into little nooks and crannies, and really the only things that take up extra space are boots, when I'm wearing normal shoes.

I boggle at people who don't even have the barest of required stuff. Most of the time, they're fine. They don't go further than a mile from town. Sometimes, they're screwed; then they make the newspaper as that motorist who needed rescued. Very rarely do those sorts of emergencies need to be emergencies.